Confused, but saved by horses

Well well, after my small steps of progress came a big leap backwards. Some family things put me into the same old carousel...I wasn't able to relax and enjoy relaxation/self hypnosis. I was confused and my body was working overload. Good example again how mental things can do physical harm and the other way around. I was disappointed in myself, for no big reason really but I just felt like crap.

So I took a break from all effort for relaxation. Funny enough I didn't fall all the way back (close enough) and after some days (read a week) I was finally in the right mood for some deep relaxation today. I found earlier these amazing self hypnosis videos by Kim Carmen Walsh. I really like her voice and I have been able to fall into a deeper hypnosis than maybe never before. It's a soothing feeling to let go, to just relax. Today I did this one, but there are many from her and I've tried two or three others. They are all good and perfect length for me (just over 20 minutes).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmKD5dmZq4E

I am now even more convinced that relaxation can be a big help for me. I feel both physical and mental relief.

Aa, talking about relief. Horse therapy - I had my weekly dose of horse back riding yesterday again. Being with a big animal, working, co-operating, discussing... Horse will react at once if you're not mentally there. You can be relaxed but you are there 100% - if not, horse will notice at once. Best therapy, best company.

Tomorrow I am going to another workshop - mostly Silva method again. This time it's all about goal setting and yes - it should be just what I need. Relaxation and setting goals.

I'm starting this blog mainly to clear up the mess in my head. I have so many plans...too many plans and no intention to fulfill them all. There is a carousel in my head with all kind of different plans - A and B sure, I think I am in letter T now.

Some say that's a good thing but I don't think so. How about concentrating on some things and making some dreams come true. Making decisions is sometimes so hard that it's just easier to continue the normal old way of being restless and goalless. Sometimes I make promises to myself just to find out that I never intended to keep them. Right now I have two bigger plans a) to finish my BA and b) to travel to Vietnam for a month next winter. Problem is these two don't co-operate at all and I'll probably just choose Vietnam because it sounds like fun :). Easy way out.

My smaller goals then - eat healthier and loose weight, learn good swimming technique - sounds good but the problem is that these have been my goals "for ever". Where is the action? It's all about decisions - next Monday, tomorrow, from the beginning of next month. Where's NOW? I am a queen of postponing things.

So, this time I have decided! And to make myself to stay with this decision I am starting this blog.