Alchemist and some confusion

It has been a great start for summer here in Oslo. Some rain, lots of sun and warm. Those awkward first days with t-shirts and shorts after winter are done now and I can feel my body just to relax - pfiiiiuuuf. I love winter but I need my dose of vitamin D and sunshine/warmth as well. Lovely.

But I get over the confusion first. After all that excitement about relaxation I suddenly stopped doing it. I don't know why, I haven't got a clue actually. What happened? I might give it a try in a few days just to test it but I don't have that urge to do it. That makes me kind of confused and quite honestly I feel a bit lonely as I thought I'd found the way and support. I feel like I have now lost the support. What the heck am I supposed to do now? Kind of funny actually but yes, very confusing.

Alchemist then. I am a very, very periodical reader. I may read 2-3 books in a row and then it says stop. I start the 4th one and never finish it. I have some books in my bookshelf that I've never finished and I feel a bit ashamed to say "The Alchemist" WAS one of them. I've read many other from Coelho but never felt connected to that one - until now. I started the first pages and had this strange feeling that this book had just waited for the right time. It's all about decisions, destinies and maybe creating one's own karma. At least that's how I took it.

I found it really comforting to read about travels, choices and trusting one's heart. Another thing which is a bit strange is that I actually first fell for the quote from the book "Remember that wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure". It was the quote that made me to read the book. I like the timing.

I've been thinking about my decisions and choices and no, I don't regret any of them. Or not the big decisions. Some small ones maybe... I wouldn't be where I am now and I kind of like where I am now. With life and with possibilites. If I only knew what to do with those possibilities...confused but happy.

Confused, but saved by horses

Well well, after my small steps of progress came a big leap backwards. Some family things put me into the same old carousel...I wasn't able to relax and enjoy relaxation/self hypnosis. I was confused and my body was working overload. Good example again how mental things can do physical harm and the other way around. I was disappointed in myself, for no big reason really but I just felt like crap.

So I took a break from all effort for relaxation. Funny enough I didn't fall all the way back (close enough) and after some days (read a week) I was finally in the right mood for some deep relaxation today. I found earlier these amazing self hypnosis videos by Kim Carmen Walsh. I really like her voice and I have been able to fall into a deeper hypnosis than maybe never before. It's a soothing feeling to let go, to just relax. Today I did this one, but there are many from her and I've tried two or three others. They are all good and perfect length for me (just over 20 minutes).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmKD5dmZq4E

I am now even more convinced that relaxation can be a big help for me. I feel both physical and mental relief.

Aa, talking about relief. Horse therapy - I had my weekly dose of horse back riding yesterday again. Being with a big animal, working, co-operating, discussing... Horse will react at once if you're not mentally there. You can be relaxed but you are there 100% - if not, horse will notice at once. Best therapy, best company.

Tomorrow I am going to another workshop - mostly Silva method again. This time it's all about goal setting and yes - it should be just what I need. Relaxation and setting goals.