Right...disappointed of myself? Sure...I was back to my old routines right the next day. That's how I am built up right now...making decisions and then just forgetting them. With one exception...a decision I made two years ago. I decided to leave my lovely Tromso and move to Oslo. I really love(d) Tromso so I didn't want to leave just like that and I gave myself one year...If I still felt like leaving after one year then it was allowed. Surprisingly enough I did...

I was up in Tromso for three days a week ago - a little bit socializing, mostly work but I loved it. Somehow I didn't question my decision at all - I loved to be back, I loved to meet everybody, I felt myself at home and all that but at the same time I understood that I left. It was a bit bittersweet feeling - I still loved Tromso, so I didn't really leave but at the same time I was ok with the decision I made. Nice, balancing and kind of relieving - I am actually allowed to have both, no need of letting go.

But back to the decision of keeping my other decisions...I am a chaos :). So...what I decided to do now is to keep a diary of my exercise everyday... This is not really about loosing weight but to about being more energized, being more motivated, more mental...so it's a bit harder to show results. But my first challenge is on Thursday - laughter yoga. Tomorrow is a holiday here in Norway so I promise to myself I'll eat good breakfast and go and socilize a little bit (it's Finnish Vappu after all). The latter combined with a long walk. Believe me? I will...gonna show myself. I feel very tempted to write "maybe" here...kanskje...but I have to learn about decisions so I'll skip the maybes.

I'm starting this blog mainly to clear up the mess in my head. I have so many plans...too many plans and no intention to fulfill them all. There is a carousel in my head with all kind of different plans - A and B sure, I think I am in letter T now.

Some say that's a good thing but I don't think so. How about concentrating on some things and making some dreams come true. Making decisions is sometimes so hard that it's just easier to continue the normal old way of being restless and goalless. Sometimes I make promises to myself just to find out that I never intended to keep them. Right now I have two bigger plans a) to finish my BA and b) to travel to Vietnam for a month next winter. Problem is these two don't co-operate at all and I'll probably just choose Vietnam because it sounds like fun :). Easy way out.

My smaller goals then - eat healthier and loose weight, learn good swimming technique - sounds good but the problem is that these have been my goals "for ever". Where is the action? It's all about decisions - next Monday, tomorrow, from the beginning of next month. Where's NOW? I am a queen of postponing things.

So, this time I have decided! And to make myself to stay with this decision I am starting this blog.