Steady progress

Just a short update...even though I feel tempted to get a little bit irritated as I don't feel big progress I try to relax and take one thing at the time. And I kind of have success in that too. I feel change in little things and some bigger things but I don't get that big "wow" feeling right now. Well, that's actually the way it should all be. No big ups and/or downs, just steady progress. And I don't have patience to that..I want big things, big feelings and at the same time I so enjoy little things and every day moments.

I have been planning too much again. Planning June and July and dreaming about coming holidays to Iceland and maybe to Georgia. Dreams are good but they can also be destructive when they take too much time from present moment. They take time from things to be done, things that should be done and things that just should be enjoyed righ now. I dream about travelling to Iceland. That's my bad habit. Something I don't totally want to get rid off...heh, well... I liked the country that much last august. It's my hobbitland. Place far away from everything (mentally and physically).

I can feel some small changes and it makes me smile

Finished my morning relaxation again. I really look forward to these moments as it allows me to do nothing and just concentrate on my feelings and emotions. One is not really allowed to even think. Well, thoughts are always not that easy to control but when in relaxation thoughts come and go, they just visit me and then they go. It's ok to have them but it's not ok to let them have control. And that is how it has been with me.

I've been doing relaxation/hypnosis for some weeks now  and I can feel the difference. I feel the carousel slowing down. I do feel a little bit dizzy sometimes after all that merry-go-round but I can start to see direction. I read on Facebook page to my Silva contact that Robert Dilts (famous within NLP method) once said to her "Set a direction, you do not need to know the destination, just set a direction". How perfect! I've been worrying about my goalless situation but all I need is a direction. And I have a direction...ish. I can let go and let things fall into their places.

One physical effect of relaxation is the higher level of oxytocin in the body. And for me who has been living with a high level of cortisol (stress hormone) probably many years (on/off) feels this oxytocin like a drug. You can google and find a lot of scientific fact about oxytocin - I found many, but here is one example.

http://oxytocincentral.com/

I am a little bit sceptical about this page as they promote "buying oxytocin" where as I think most of these hormones (I can talk about tryptophan some other time) should be taken in a natural way. But there is some useful information in easily digestible way on that page.

But all this. I do think my life is about to change or maybe better way to put it, I am about to change. Good example is two days that just passed by. I got two surprise invitations  - one to a celebration of the national day of Norway and one to see Eurovision Song Contest. And most important of all, I said yes to both invitations and had a good time. In addition I made a 2o km hike in the forest yesterday. I was supposed to go to a cabin tour with someone I know but he cancelled in the last minute. I got irritated, got over that irritation and went for a small hike just by myself. Good girl.

Here are two relaxing photos from my tour in the forest.

Confused, but saved by horses

Well well, after my small steps of progress came a big leap backwards. Some family things put me into the same old carousel...I wasn't able to relax and enjoy relaxation/self hypnosis. I was confused and my body was working overload. Good example again how mental things can do physical harm and the other way around. I was disappointed in myself, for no big reason really but I just felt like crap.

So I took a break from all effort for relaxation. Funny enough I didn't fall all the way back (close enough) and after some days (read a week) I was finally in the right mood for some deep relaxation today. I found earlier these amazing self hypnosis videos by Kim Carmen Walsh. I really like her voice and I have been able to fall into a deeper hypnosis than maybe never before. It's a soothing feeling to let go, to just relax. Today I did this one, but there are many from her and I've tried two or three others. They are all good and perfect length for me (just over 20 minutes).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmKD5dmZq4E

I am now even more convinced that relaxation can be a big help for me. I feel both physical and mental relief.

Aa, talking about relief. Horse therapy - I had my weekly dose of horse back riding yesterday again. Being with a big animal, working, co-operating, discussing... Horse will react at once if you're not mentally there. You can be relaxed but you are there 100% - if not, horse will notice at once. Best therapy, best company.

Tomorrow I am going to another workshop - mostly Silva method again. This time it's all about goal setting and yes - it should be just what I need. Relaxation and setting goals.

Progress, progress - one small step at the time

Ok, I was in laughter yoga on Thursday. I didn't know what to expect but I honestly think it was closer to improvising than yoga. It was fun to improvise and laugh but that's about it for me, didn't really get that many kicks out of it. After laughing there was a free workshop about Silva method. Not really convinced about any "products" like that but I totally agree about relaxation and self hypnosis.

About ten years ago I went to some NLP sessions to get over my stage fright and nervousness in certain type of social situations. That gave me a wonderful gift of being able to relax and fall into this deep state of relaxation and self hypnosis. I created my own place in relaxation where I could be a better version of me and just relax. That place has been close to abandoned for many years and I've missed that place.

Being able to fall into this deep relaxation clears my thoughts and gives me determination. I have now done relaxation several times after Thursday evening. Ten minutes deep relaxation after coming home from work makes wonders, believe me. Instead of making to-do lists and forcing me to do things and holding on to promises I just relax, clear my head and I have a clearer vision of what I am going to do. Sounds magical? Well, it is. And I basically don't have to do anything, just give myself little time.

There's a lot of information in internet, and as we all know there's a lot of blaahblaah as well. But one man who has been studying relaxation a lot is Herbert Benson. Here is his guide to relaxation - Relaxation Response.

So this is my first small step, I am going to stop making decisions and promises. Instead, I am changing the way I think and act.